“Before you knew Me, you expressed your longing for Me in hurtful ways. You were ever so vulnerable…” Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Oh my gosh, how true this is. Like an infant who screams to be fed, we seek out many ways to meet our own needs… even after we come to Him, if we are not abiding in Him. Jesus has been exposing the depth of my own hurtful ways — my self-effort, self-focus, selfishness. Oh Lord, help me! I often go into new situations talking, to show that I have value, that I am worth getting to know. Instead, it repels people. Like a kid in a new school who pulls out all his latest gadgets to impress people, I soon find I am pushing them away.
God has given me strengths of wisdom and exhortation. When I am abiding in Him, He uses all that to a beautiful end. But I have developed a habit of relying on my abilities — knowing the answers, giving advice — and in my own strength, those things bring death. Insight does not substitute for humility. Wisdom does not fill in for kindness. And nothing replaces love.
God has shown me how badly I want to belong. I want a place where I fit and they miss me when I’m gone. I deeply long to be known to the very heart. (Weren’t we designed to be known?) But showing off my abilities only hides the real me, the vulnerable me that is the most attractive, the me most worth knowing. “Intimacy” means “into-me-see.” It will come from setting everything down and letting people just see me. No bells, no whistles, just me. Whew. Ready, set, deep breath… “Here-I-am!”