How to Become an Ally via Facebook


“Where did any of us arrive at the conclusion that we were given permission to finger point and say shame on you! If someone could preach how damaging judgments are that would be fabulous… oh wait! YOU ARE!!! I am in tears… This world, these “christians” are not what God had in mind.”

This is from Facebook chats with a longtime friend I hadn’t seen in ages. I wanted to share it with you. It shows the wonderful progression of God’s revelation of His truth and His heart for LGBTQ. I hope you find it as freeing as I do.


LAURA: Hey there friend, so I’ve followed you on and off with your blogs and posts and since I’m friends with all the Cottrells I get a lot of repeat posts of your blogs (excellent support system in place!!)
 So I’ve noticed a lot of homosexual blogs. I’m curious as to how you are arriving at your conclusions. Your last blog said “We know some people are born LGBTQ, with no choice involved.” Do you really believe that? I am feeling a little confused?  – Laura

ME: Hello Laura. Well, thanks for writing, and sorry you get so many repeat notifications, though I’m grateful for the support system! Yes, well, God used a personal situation to get me onto this topic. When I heard Him telling me to do it, I had a little discussion with Him, in tears, because I knew it would mean risking my reputation among Christians, and I know how Christians can be. But He keeps giving me more to write than I can actually get posted, and every time I wonder if I’m out of my mind, He affirms that I am doing what He’s asked me to, so I continue to trust Him. It’s been quite a battle though. I do believe some people are born with no viable options – except celibacy, which some people choose. This means not only no sex, but no intimacy, partner, companionship, etc. It means essentially being alone. Thanks for your message. Your FB photo is beautiful. – Susan

LAURA: What did you read, listen to, or see that made you change your mind on whether homosexuality is a sin or not. I want to read what you read.

ME: I read Torn by Justin Lee. I also watched Matthew Vines video. When you read them, I’d love to hear what you think.

LAURA: I got through 1/3 of it. He certainly has some very persuasive points. However in the end I don’t see God condoning a dude sticking it into another guy or girls doing whatever girls do. Whether they are committed in a monogamous relationship or not. Good things taken out of bounds is sin. I’m still not sold. I will however finish the video and get back with you when I finish it.

ME: Great. And in all honesty, I want my blog to at least make Christians back off. It’s like they’re bloodhounds who’ve got them treed and they’re going to bark and bark and bark until someone comes out and does something about it. I wish instead they would talk to Jesus, let them see Jesus in them, and leave the convicting to the Holy Spirit.

LAURA: I agree that Christians should let Jesus do the heart convicting but to say homosexuality isn’t a sin isn’t accurate. God created Adam and even and told them to reproduce and fill the earth with people. Gays and lesbians can’t reproduce. So that has to be taken out of god’s boundaries, right? I think to be a Jesus light to the LGBTQ community is great but to say it isn’t a sin – I can’t go that far.

ME: Hey Laura. I hear you. Fortunately, God is not asking you to go that far. Or me. Because it is not our struggle, it’s not really ours to sit behind the bench with the gavel in our hand. God created mouths for speaking, but if someone’s mouth doesn’t speak, you would not call it sinful if they use their hands to speak instead. And the world looks fully populated compared to what it did when it was just Adam and Eve. And though He created us to procreate, we don’t look at a single person and consider them sinful. In fact, according to Paul, it’s preferable to be single… yet we still marry. Do you see what I mean? This could go on and on.
Those who sat in judgment on the woman who washed Jesus feet with her hair (using the scripture to judge) judged wrongly. Those who said straight up, this woman was caught in adultery, Jesus let go. I’m at the point in my life to say I’m really not in a position to judge. I know that.
Instead, I turn to Micah 6:8 stated wonderfully in The Message. “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t talk yourself too seriously—take God seriously.”
I see Jesus’ heart in that more than in me sitting in judgment on the rightness or wrongness of this area in someone else’s life. 🙂
LAURA: I think I get it… you aren’t saying right or wrong… your simply saying that it doesn’t even matter. Either way, no judgment.  Right?

ME: Yes.

LAURA: I get it… freedom!!!  I can’t stand judgment! I don’t like being judged and I hate that I do judge… especially my kids… freedom here I come!

ME: Lol!!

LAURA: whether you know it or not you have been crucial to my maturation process this year!
Thank you for stepping out! I am right behind you!

ME: Whoa! Lol. Thx for telling me that. this is blowng me away.

LAURA: it all clicked when James and I watched the new redbox movie :the big wedding. Everyone was trying to be something they weren’t to please everyone else and in the end they all said screw it and it was a really happy ending…great movie…totally spoke volumes to me about just be who you are and don’t try to be anything for anyone…I am so tired of trying to change in the “name of Christianity” God made me uniquely me, as did he every other breathing human being!
I am so proud of you for being brave to step out and for the truth! Robert was so right…truth may set you free but first it may piss you off!
I am tired of the Christian western culture church and all the rights and wrongs and do’s and don’ts and how damaging that can be. I am a victim of it and I am so done. I wanna be free

ME: That’s right. I love it! Do you know that when I was a little girl a marriage like yours [bi-racial] was illegal?
Tonight I’m in FL meeting with some women talking about gay children and how they don’t have the freedom to be who they are. The church makes them hate themselves with random comments that are said without anyone flinching.
The church should be about Jesus. Not behavior.

LAURA: I can’t possibly imagine the God I have been taught about all my life was imaging the church of today as the representative he wanted as himself…it really is sad!!!
I have had some MAJOR breakthroughs this year in my own growth.
I haven’t been to sunday morning service since november of last year and guess what changed? All the Damn Drama in my life! I have finally been freed up to look inwardly with out worrying about what other people might think of my shit!
I have circled around to you guys 100x over trying to figure out what you were trying to say!
a friend of mine, she just found out her 18 year old is having sex. She was upset and confided in me and ask if I remember being a teenager and did I come tell my parents things going on in my life…my answer NO.
The more I thought about it I wondered why. As a parent I have told my kids they can tell me anything but will they…I concluded that it had to be the harsh stance my parents had. Yes they loved me but they preached DON’T do drugs, sex, smoking, drinking…so when those things came up in my life. well my parents were the last people I was going to tell because of fear of instant rejection.
I want to teach my kids good choices from wrong ones but NOT DO’S AND DON’TS…there is no room for mistakes in that world.
I am flawed and they will be too…I want to just be shoulder to cry on when failure shows its ugly head… I want to be a friend to brainstorm options and not the one who looks with eyes full of rejection…
thanks for being part of this eye opening experience for me!

ME: I am so happy for you!!! Wow – God’s revelation. You go girl!
That’s right. Good for you!! I’d love to post our little conv as a post. It’s so good and so true.
I love that about the drama. Yeah, I have enough challenges w out trying to please the church too. 🙂

LAURA: feel free to blog! I am free to be me! Man it feels so good!
The thing people want most is someone who will accept them for who they are! I feel 100% safe with you.

ME: Aww!! What a thing to say. Thank you.

LAURA: thank you for being a safe person for lots of people! I want my kids to have a good relationship with me like I see your kids with you guys!

ME: Aw.
Yeah, judging people are not safe people, no matter how “lovingly” they judge. 🙂

LAURA: I reached out to the lady from church who was caught with another man and asked to leave the church. I asked her if we could do lunch… she said no one ever asked her any questions I was the first…
We had lunch tuesday this week and it was freeing to just listen to her story.
I want to make a difference too!

ME: Wow. Love it. See, you do make a difference. So good.
There’s a movie called Bridges of Madison County, where Meryl Streep almost runs off with – I forgot the other actor but anyway – in the end she doesn’t, but there’s a woman in town who’s had an affair and nobody ever talks to her. So after this affair Meryl Streep reaches out to the lady and takes her a pie. It’s the first friend that ever visited the woman.
That’s a picture of what we do to people who “sin” in the church – we cut them off.

LAURA: Aren’t we all totally capable of being a royal f*** up in God’s eyes? Where did any of us arrive at the conclusion that we were given permission to finger point and say shame on you!
If someone could preach how damaging judgments are that would be fabulous… oh wait! YOU ARE!!! I am in tears… This world, these “christians” are not what God had in mind…

ME: Lol!!!! Laura, before when you didn’t get it, my thought was, well she’s done with me. 🙂 I had no idea God was speaking to you all this time.

LAURA: I want to be free to be me… I want to choose to be reserved with my language around my mother because I know it is offensive to her, not because I’m afraid she’ll reject or shame me.

ME: Yea!

LAURA: I want to be accepting of others no matter what right where they are and I want people to do that with me and if they don’t well I want to be free to be a flawed human being. 🙂

ME: That’s it.  That’s exactly what we are supposed to be to each other.
Imagine if Jesus came to earth and affirmed everything the Pharisees where telling people to do. Who would have followed him??

LAURA: exactly. freedom to be flawed! wow that feels so free

ME: that’s it exactly. Jesus hung out with the most flawed people on earth! And they absolutely flocked to him!

LAURA: I want to just weep…freedom…they reality is washing over me!

ME: Love it, Laura. Love it!

LAURA: I wish I could give you a hug right now!
The puzzle pieces are coming together
May God bless your ministry with a breath of fresh air!

Thank you my longtime friend.
Gotta go to sleep. Love you.

LAURA: Yeah, gotta get my kids in bed too. thanks for the talk and sleep well.
Can’t wait to read the blog…

ME: You’re welcome. Thx. You’ve encouraged me incredibly

LAURA: You’ve been a major piece to healing my brokenness.

Wow. This was so encouraging to me and has given me so much hope. And how timely this is with everything going on right now.

Whether you are an LGBTQ, parent, ally, side A or side B – now is the time to focus on freedom and loving each other as we have been loved.

It is an opportunity to heal our brokenness and free our hearts.

Click here to read “The Woman Forgiven For Adultery”

8 thoughts on “How to Become an Ally via Facebook

  1. This is a fabulous exchange. I’m so grateful for it! It segues so nicely into a podcast of a sermon I heard last night by Pastor Jonathan Martin (Renovatus Church) entitled “Playing God.” Whoa. I’m undone. Listen to this:

    “In Genesis, the problem of human sin starts with the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eating the fruit is all about playing God, crossing over God’s boundaries … surprisingly for some of us, it’s all about judgment. When we eat of the tree, the world revolves around us and our judgments … the tree is all about the temptation to be like God – to know who’s in and who’s out. The heart of religion: We start with moral judgment. We “know” so we judge. But there is nothing that Jesus is harder on than religious sin … Jesus judges people for being judgmental … we like to think we are judging in the name of Jesus, but if we are playing God, then we don’t need God … the proclamation of grace is in direct contradiction to morality … Jesus constantly breaks moral precepts and moral rules. He attacks morality in the parables. WE BELIEVERS ARE SUMMONED TO BEHAVIOR THAT SURPASSES MORALITY! The center for real Jesus followers is always love.”

    The podcast is an hour and really, really worth your time. It kicked my fanny in the best way possible. You can find it here:

    Thanks again for posting this great exchange!

    • Thank you, Survivorgirl. Love him. I’m speaking on this very topic of the tree of knowledge v. the tree of life tonight at PFLAG. The mainstream church has been on this tree for a very, very long time — and we have the carnage to prove it.

  2. This is where God has led me as well. Not to figure out all the answers to all the questions, but just to really learn to love others and question whether or not we as Christians are doing this. It took discovering my child was LGBT to come in off the comfortable fringes of the issue to really see what we are doing and saying “in the Name of God”. I love your website. It reminds me that God is bringing many of us to these same conclusions on the issue. Keep putting this good stuff out there!

    • Thank you, Lynn! Precious. Yes, I agree — God seems to be bringing a lot of people around to His perspective: Love God, love others; DON’T figure it all out (Genesis 2:17). How much simpler could it get?? Thanks for sharing your sweet heart and for loving your sweet child!

  3. YAAAAY! I’m so happy for both of you, and so thrilled that Laura is experiencing so powerfully how true freedom feels! The thought she shared that by holding on to judging others she was also holding herself back, protecting herself from that same judgment coming back at her….you could almost hear the CLICK of that falling into place for her. Wonderful. Exciting. Enjoy your new journey, Laura!

  4. Susan & Laura, what is so powerful about this story is the victory of love. I can just imagine God looking at the two of you and saying, “Yes! This is how I want my children to get along!” Right from the beginning, it looked like the conversation was going to derail into yet another barely-civil polarization. When Laura let down her defenses to hear Susan, her curiosity and questions seemed to have prompted Susan to give some of the clearest and most inspired answers I have seen on this topic. The excitement and emotion of this is contagious. It’s hard not to read this without wearing a big smile!

    • Wonderfully said, Paul. Your comments always give me a smile too. I believe it was clearly God’s revelation in Laura, but as you said, she had to let down her defenses enough to listen. What would the church overall look like if we let down our defenses and listened only to Jesus’ voice?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s