I Do Love Gays, But…


Love is more attractive than hate. Oh, you don’t hate, you say. I know. But what you do in judgment or correction or holding to your principles feels, on the receiving end, the same as hate. As Zig Ziglar wonderfully said, “Some people find fault like there’s a reward for it.” Yeah, and sadly, that’s what Christians have come to be known for.

Love is easy to see. Read this note from a mom to her gay son for a very clear picture. Read also a few of the thousands of responses too. It shows that people respond well to love, too, just as God predicted.

“Yes, I know Christians have done a horrible job of loving gays, but…” I’ve heard countless times, followed by, “but we have to speak the truth,” “but it’s a sin,” “but blah blah blah,” I want to make this very easy for you: drop the “but.” Just let go of your need to put it in there. It doesn’t matter.

Is God still God? (Clue.) Is He able to tell someone about an issue He has without us speaking for Him? (Clue.) Are we absolutely certain there is no possibility that we have overlooked or misunderstood something? (Clue.)

Instead, let us love. Love for sure is right. Love for sure is the heart of God. Love absolutely for certain will be more attractive (as in “attracting people to Christ”) than “but…”

Oh yes, and God is love. 

People want to be loved — we are told to love. A perfect match! The real danger here is damaging the very real message of love by turning it into something it was never meant to be. That’s the worst outcome of all.

Please. Join me in loving. Better yet, join Christ in loving.

12 thoughts on “I Do Love Gays, But…

  1. Ever since our 13 year old son told me that he may be gay, I started focusing on 1 Cor 13. This is the love chapter that has a new meaning to us as parents. Yes, we in the church have not done well in expressing God’s love to gays. For us we are now facing the reality that we could have a gay son. It hit me that I am also filthy and that all I can do is show not only my son but family Christ’s love.

  2. Tyou again for another AMAZING post Susan–That’s exactly what this journey has been about for me, just LOVING better and dropping the “but.” I was one of those for far too long, which automatically negates unconditional love to the receiver’s ears. I had such a hard time with this concept until it happened to me. It’s been the MOST AMAZING and LIBERATING concept to finally grasp in all of my years of being a Christian.

  3. In a general, (not about any subject) conversation, my husband and I were discussing sharing a truth out of love. It was one of those peaceful round and round conversations. My point was. “All these truths just never give a person a break. We have to get off what we think is needed which pounds away at someone else spirit. Trying to make someone else ok is exhausting!”

    • Plus, it’s not our job! We told the kids when they were little, “Your job is to love and encourage; our job is to correct.” We like to get all up in people’s business, don’t we? And it SO does not work. Not that we don’t contribute or that God doesn’t speak through us to each other — of course He does. But He speaks through us with HIS agenda, not ours. If we are hitting our head against a wall, we can be pretty sure it’s OUR agenda. When it’s clearly His, we can just say it and let it go. Like delivering a letter. You can turn and walk away.

      Love on the other hand is to be poured out freely, as He has poured it out freely to us. Jesus made it stupid-simple: Love God, love others. Thanks as always, Grams.

    • Susan my step-daughter Vicky just said the same words to me that you started out with “the church has done a horrible job of loving homosexuals but its a sin” she went on to say that we don’t get to choose what sins we struggle with. I told her that a sin is something that you can confess to God, as for forgiveness with a true spirit and can count on being forgiven. Labeling homosexuality as a sin is like confessing something over and over again that you have no power over and it was never meant to be confessed because God made you that way. We then got into the conversation about acting on it and I told her acting on it or not, the person is still gay. My husband was in the er due to needing another stint put in his heart so I was able to have this type of dialogue with her. He is so like your son. She has agreed to read the letter to Dr. Brunson and the testimonials. I don’t expect change, but she can’t un-ring the bell of the truth of what she will be reading.

  4. Oh this is so true! When we insert a “but” it negates the thing just said. If we could only learn to love those around us and trust God to deal with whatever junk in their life bothers Him. We really do make a very poor Holy Spirit.

  5. Another Great Post to keep me on my toes when confrontation appraches me. Thank you so much Susan – I am truly blessed to have you as a friend! And Freedhearts as my “go to” page! Hugs and Love

  6. I don’t generally care for Dr. Phil, however, he does have a one-liner that rings very true to me. He says that when we use the word “but”, what we mean is “ignore what I just said, because HERE is what I really mean”. Does anyone actually hear the “I love you” when it’s followed by “but…..[fill in the blank]”? I don’t think so. We all hear, register, and absorb whatever the negative is that comes after the “but”, and the I love you gets lost.
    I applaud your admonition to drop the but and let go of the need to put it there.

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