Please Don’t Change… (others)

stop being gay

We are not responsible to change people’s behavior.

It’s not our job, even with our children, especially as they get older. If you think you’re going to make your pianist into a football player, give it up now. Unfortunately, much of the church today is about behavior modification. But please remember, the reality of the church and the truth about Jesus are not always the same thing – especially regarding the LGBTQ issue.

Jesus is not about behavior modification; He is about life, His life flowing through us. That is what grace (kharis) means — to let Jesus’ love flow through us instead of feeling obligated to fix everything.

Your job is to love people, especially your child. Let God use this situation to show you what it means to love unconditionally. While we love others, God is at work in ways we can’t see.

If you are a Christian parent of a gay child, this road is likely not one you would have chosen, nor initially welcomed. But if you seek Him, God will show you the beauty of the journey. Perhaps God has chosen you for such a time as this, to shine His love amidst all the anger and hate (even if your beliefs about it never change). Perhaps He will work through you to restore His name that has been so maligned to a group of people who need Him — as we all do.

God is good at giving us quandaries we didn’t expect, to rock our little tiny worldviews. He shakes everything that can be shaken until all that’s left is what is unshakeable. Cling to Him in this time, and He will bring about something wonderful — for you and your family.

Please feel free to comment below on your experience of your child coming out, or email me directly through the contact page. God bless you on this journey.

9 thoughts on “Please Don’t Change… (others)

  1. I have to that Joshua you made a very good point about the church keeping a large segment of the population outside the church.

    Let me explain. Last night when my kids and I were leaving the County Fair here in Florida, my gay teen son was conversing with two other gay teens. It struck me how we in the church will allow a heterosexual couple who are not married into the church with open arms but my son who is gay is not wanted. I became angry at how we have treated gays and I now realize that churches should love and accept gays like Jesus would.

    My son is hungry to know Jesus more. So my question is why would any bible believing church deny him this opportunity?

    • Nathan, I have been similarly frustrated – why indeed would a church deny access to any LGBTQ who wants to come? I believe with all my heart that it is not because of our perception of their “sin” but our perception of God, which would have to expand greatly for us to accommodate a gay orientation into our rule-based (v. relationship-based) model. God would have to be way bigger than we imagine and we don’t want our head to explode, so no gays can come in. :/ That should break our hearts.

  2. My message, when speaking with church leaders and goers who believe homosexuality to be the ultimate sin, has consistently been a two fold message. First, if you consider homosexuality to be sin, the grace, power and love of God can save one from and through this struggle just as it can through for all other sin. Second, and this is where my focus usually lies, that there are incredibly logical and theological positions that support homosexuality as a sin as well as a misinterpretation of culture and scripture (meaning it may not be a sin when context is considered). One could very easily choose one side or the other and successfully defend this position. No matter what your position, it is almost always agreed upon that Jesus Christ is the only solution to defeating any form of sin. Therefore can any church, pastor, elder, brother/ sister, christian organization (insert yours here), lead anyone away from any sin??? Why then, should we not place our sole focus on Grace, love and building stronger relationships with Christ other than “counseling the gay away”. Should we not introduce and lead people to Jesus, foster this relationship and let Jesus do the rest??? If only we trusted in Him this much… It pains my soul to see those living outside of a relationship with Christ due to those on the “inside” who barr the experience by placing restrictions on others.

    Thank you for this post!

  3. Our job is to love people, not change people. You are a wise woman, Susan! That speaks volumes to all of us, everywhere, regardless of who we are and which people are in our lives.

  4. Oh so true! It’s helpful to be reminded every day that my job is to love my son. Period. I know God is working in his life and in mine to make us into who He wants us to be. I have resigned my position as referee, fixer, arranger, or any of those other “helpful” jobs! What freedom!

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