Christmas is on its way. So perhaps are your kids. What will the holiday hold?
So, I’m a mom, and I understand how easy it is to continue to direct my kids. If they would just do this or tweak that. But may I tell you? Once they’re up and out, you’re teaching time is pretty much over. Your time to make them into ‘the person you think they should be’ is gone… (and honestly, it was an illusion all along).
If your child is gay, or living with someone, or got a tattoo… or gauges… or is not sure about their faith — let me tell you that it’s not yours to change. As much as you want to, those decisions aren’t yours to make. You get to love them and let them discover their lives. If they are grown up… even just a little sweet 18-year-old, your job is to let them live. My daughter had a precious friend over tonight. Lovely girl. She talked about how sour she feels toward God now, because of her legalistic upbringing, including her Christian school. Sad, yeah? Because that is not God, that is fallen people, representing God as some sort of law enforcer instead of a wonderful counselor.
Sweet Linda Robertson shared this: “In our LifeGroup, the thing our group members want more than ANYTHING else is for their parents to ask about their boyfriends/girlfriends, be interested in them, want to get to know them, ask how they met… just like they would if they were with a heterosexual partner. None of them have Christian parents who will talk with them about who they love, and they SO long to be loved in that way.”
I know it would be wonderful to have life just as we wish — spouse the way you want, kids the way you want. But that’s not how it is. And God is not about to hand it over to us, either. The sooner we come to terms with what we have instead of what we long for, the more at peace we and those around us will be.
Instead, I bring “a few ramblings from the mom of a teenager,” my friend Stacey. “At the beginning of this journey my mantra was I did not sign up for this…. followed by raising a gay teenager is a blessing and a curse depending on the day. Remove the word gay and teens are just difficult to raise. God did not promise easy. The blessing is this: my personal shock and awe campaign had to be short-lived. This boy needed a functioning mom. Do I still have questions? Of course. I’m still iffy in a few areas but at the end of the day I have to love this kid regardless. Yes I know about genetics and brain wiring and all that other stuff to include God’s original design. I don’t have all the answers. I never will. I just need to parent. The “curse” at times is seeing the road ahead in my view when in reality I am just a piece in the heavenly puzzle. I wish that ALL of us could stop analyzing so much as we reconcile our faith and instead offer grace.”
Much love, and make this a Christmas remembered for your peace and love for each other!