It’s an awful position to be in. It is a heart wrenching conflict between a parent’s love for a child and their faith. But think about it… those two things should never be in conflict! If they are, something is off-track.
I want to share with you a comment/question that I received from a parent in just such a situation, along with my response…
Comment / Question: Thanks for all of your support, Susan. This has really helped me a lot but I still have lots of reservations/questions. My 24-year-old son came out last year although we knew he was battling this since middle school. He had been in counseling in high school because HE wanted to be “fixed.” Of course that didn’t happen. We are a VERY conservative Christian family so this just goes against what we’ve always been taught…you are not born gay. You may have been born with a predisposition to this but it’s your choice whether or not to act on it. Although this may be true, I just don’t see how God would create someone to have to go through life like this. But then again, the Bible makes it pretty clear. I’ve tried to twist it around to suit me, but my gut feeling is that the Bible is against homosexuality. Our son feels comfortable around us concerning this, especially me (mom), and there’s complete acceptance. He’s been going to gay bars lately (part of his internal acceptance, I think) and that bothers me. I don’t know why but it kind of does. I would never let him know that. Please give me some words that will help comfort these thoughts. I know only God knows the soul, man does not, so it’s not up to us to judge. But it’s still a concern.
My Response: Sweet Paula, I’m so glad you wrote. I know the Bible may SEEM clear to you on this topic, but it’s not clear. Please look at my resources page to find out all sorts of new info you’ve probably never heard before about those few passages. Of course being okay doesn’t sit well with you – how could it when you’ve heard all your life that it’s not okay? The only way it could possibly make sense to you is by God’s intervention in your understanding. I’m very glad you’re accepting. But I want you to have the comfort and peace and joy you seek, not just acceptance. I want God to show you that your son is perfectly fine.
How could God create people predisposed to this, with NO ATTRACTION to the opposite gender as so many people are, and then require them never to act on it? Makes zero sense. But what DOES make sense is that Christians have been wrong countless times before. About imprisoning Galileo and Copernicus for daring to say the earth was not the center of the universe! Or for burning women as witches who didn’t fit the accepted norms for being a woman. Or for beating their slaves to death while quoting verses justifying slavery. People have “prooftexted” verses (pulled our specific verses to prove a point) over the millennia, and it never works – starting with the religious leaders who tried to trick Jesus this way repeatedly. Prooftexted verses crumple the moment you put any weight on them.
You said that your son has had increasing peace and been much happier since he stopped trying to change. That was my daughter’s experience as well. That is an important piece!
Philippians 4:7 says: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In other words, His peace will verify that we’re on the right track. That’s an amazing promise — and what a load off our minds! He will give us peace! Conversely, when we are veering off-track, the imminently capable Holy Spirit will “guide us in all truth,” as John tells us.
We have to be willing to trust what we’re hearing from Him when we have heard our entire church lives that it’s NOT okay. That human teaching has been so loud for so long – and it is fallible. It often drowns out God’s still small voice – which is infallible. Doesn’t it?
I strongly encourage you to ask God to prepare your heart as He speaks His heart to you. We just got back from the Gay Christian Network conference in Chicago, where our friends Rob and Linda Robertson were keynote speakers. They were the visual aid for how the church response of resisting our kids’ gayness only leads to death.
Ask Him to fill your inmost being with his truth. Ask God to help you lay aside what you already believe and to inform you himself instead. He will!
In his abundant love,