Can You Accept Your Daughter For Who She Is?

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“We will be behind whatever choices our child makes, and nothing could make us love her less.

We have our dreams for our children – our dreams. What if your little boy or girl is gay? Can you accept them for exactly who they are? I want to share with you an interaction I had with the Mother of a girl just like that…

My husband and I have a three-year-old daughter, who we fostered, then adopted, from birth, and who is the most delightful, confident and vivid little girl you could meet. She is adorable. Since she started to play, she has always acted out kissing games with two dolls, or two clothes pegs, or two anything that always became two kissing girls! She blows kisses at girls and says “She’s so pretty.” She says about anyone she likes – always girls – “I want to give her a kiss and protect her.” She likes to be the leader in games, but in a fun and captivating way. She likes the legs of ladies too and often says, “We are not allowed to talk about ‘boobs’ are we?” because she did, very often, and I gently said not to.  I am sure in my heart that she feels drawn to females, even though she is so young. I have four other adopted children, and all behaved very gender-normally from the start. I know this is going to be difficult in some ways, as we are strong Christians with beliefs about gay behavior, though not the actual same-sex leanings, and will need so much wisdom if this is the case, but I feel passionately that I will be there with her every step of the way. Rita*

Rita, so glad you wrote. What tenderness you express in your words for your daughter and the whole situation. I think God has given you a great gift by letting you see your daughter’s bent at this age, with plenty of time for you to assimilate it and for Him to show you how He wants you to react to it — when it goes from leanings to actions. My Resources page is full of wonderful information; I hope you will really take the time to read. I’m glad you don’t reject her leanings (which you clearly see are there from the outset, and nothing you do will change it). I invite you to pray specifically about the same-sex behavior you reject, and to ask if God wants to show you something you don’t yet see about it… I am sure He will show you very clearly how He wants you to interact with her as she matures.

Bless your tender heart, my friend, and I wish you the best for your beautiful girl. I’d love to hear how it goes down the road.

In Christ, Susan

Susan, I have read so much of what you have written tonight, in your email and in your posts. It was such a balm. Thank you. I have felt even more compassion for those from every angle involved in this. I am sure that this journey will help me get closer to more people in this situation and your inspiring words and love pouring out into the pain felt – and given by people’s responses – will help me and the world at large. You remind me of the little creature that was let out of Pandora’s box in the fable after all the horrible things got out, to make it all better. Well, like the Holy Spirit. Thank you – I would love to share how we get on in the years ahead. I am just so grateful for your ministry.  And if any of it helps, you are free to pass it on.

I love the bit where you asked whether we felt God could make himself understood to a person without our help! I know that we will be behind whatever choices our child makes and nothing could make us love her less. I know that all of us, my husband and all the other children too, will be right beside her as will God. Recently she said, yes, she would like to belong to Jesus, and she said that as she closed her eyes, she saw him wink at her!

Thank you again, so much.

And thank you Jesus for all that you’re doing through Susan. May ears and hearts be open wide. May there be a harvest of souls from families like ours everywhere across the world. May arms be open to them in a new way, as churchgoers become your welcomers.


Let your child be exactly who she is… and love her for it.


8 thoughts on “Can You Accept Your Daughter For Who She Is?

  1. What a beautiful story of a courageous and compassionate mom, Rita. I wish I had that courage when my son was that age. I always verbally expressed how I wanted my son to be true to himself, but inside it scared me. He wanted to take tap dancing, ballet, play with barbie. In my mind I would think, if I allow this he will turn gay. What a ridiculous thought now. As if …ask any heterosexual male if he took ballet would it cause him to be atracted to the same sex, NO! I laugh about those thoughts now. My son came out at 15, and yes it scared me, but his bravery and will were enough for me to stand right beside him. He got involved in music, theatre, and yes…. dance. The first time I saw him dance I cried. Oh what I would have missed if I had not chosen to stand beside him, accept, and support him. He is in college now on a music scholarship, takes ballet, competes in color guard, drum corps,. But his greatest success has been and still is his bright and shining self full of confidence and passion for life and those around him. I am a blessed mom.

      • This story reminds me when I walked into my Son’s room when he was five years old and had a Hulk Hogan doll and a G.I.Joe doll kissing. A bit taken off guard I spent a half hour with him explaining that G.I.Joe kisses Barbie and that Hulk Hogan kisses Barbie but G.I.Joe and Hulk Hogan do not kiss each other. I proudly got up feeling I had a “Dad Moment” with my Son and then he looks at me and says, “no Hulk Hogan and G.I.Joe kiss” as he presses their lips together. I remember walking down the stairs with a strange feeling in my stomach and thinking he cannot be gay, no he is too young and this is just a strange quirk… fast forward 24 years later…gay.

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