“My son came out to his dad and I last night. His dad kicked him out. So I am now in a hotel with my son. Home is where the heart is and tonight that makes Motel 6 home.”
Kicking your LGBTQ child out in love is a ludicrous idea. No definition of love includes throwing out your gay child. That’s more like hate. I know, we mix them up sometimes. Kids are dying out there, and I felt it was time for me to speak up.
My friend’s lesbian daughter cut herself badly several nights ago. Her explanation to her mom is that she knows her dad will never accept her. She can’t take the pain. You see, her dad thinks her orientation is the problem, but it’s not. Now she faces some serious ramifications in her own life, and her dad will say, “See? It’s because she’s gay.” But it’s not.
It’s because he rejects her.
If you’re a parent who is upset/angry/beside yourself over a gay child, I beg of you to rethink your position. If you really think kicking out your child is the answer, then do this: think about the most difficult thing you have had to face — a huge loss of a relationship or job, a serious illness, even the death of a loved one or close friend. Imagine then that as you’re facing this, you also are thrown out of where you live, rejected by the very people who were supposed to love you no matter what. Not only must you now face the huge situation in your life, but you also have to struggle to survive, and your head and your heart are spinning.
That is what you would be doing to your child if you kick them out. People do not become ‘ungay’ because they’re kicked out of their house. They are just gay and now kicked out of their house. You cannot justify such cruelty by pulling God into it. God does not tell us to kick our kids out of the house because we don’t approve of what they do. Period.
If your spouse has kicked out your gay child or plans to, seek help, seek counsel. Maybe even legal help. Because you may have to choose between a rejecting spouse or a dead child. I’m not kidding. And who is in a better position to help a child whose parent kicks them out than the other parent?
Church, do not justify the parent who wants to kick the child out. The bible doesn’t tell us to kick them out; it tells us to take them in. 40% of homeless LGBTQ youth have been kicked out of their homes by rejecting parents. Don’t pretend you are somehow defending the gospel by turning away children. That’s a sure way to take those children hate the gospel, and it’s a false gospel. Please, please don’t do it.
If you know someone who’s been kicked out for being gay, perhaps you can help find a place for them to go. Could they stay with you?
If you are someone who’s been rejected, you need to know it’s not your fault. Your being gay did not cause it. It’s not really about you, and there is nothing wrong with you. It’s about your parents. Thousands of gay kids are not kicked out of their homes. “Kicking out” is a choice — and it was your parents’ choice, not yours.
We automatically blame ourselves when we’re rejected — it’s just part of the human condition. But I assure you, it is not your fault. You cannot change your parents. Don’t take that burden on your shoulders. Your only path to life will be to find your own way with God, to survive with God’s capable hand, and let your parents be.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, let me say this bluntly: they are not worth it. Yes you love them, of course, and you wish they would come around. Maybe someday they will. They are on their own journey. But parents who reject their children for any reason are not worth giving your life for. Do you understand what I’m saying? It will get better–I promise you that!
Don’t figure out how to earn approval from people, including parents, because earned approval is like sand — it’s always shifting. If you have to earn it, it’s definitely not love. Parents need time to come around, but if they’re throwing you out of the house, then it’s time to let them be and find others to help you. We are out there, and we are willing.
“We have to move a generation of people to have unconditional love for their kids. At the core of it is parental love and acceptance. That’s the core of it. It’s not societal; it’s parental.” Dan Bucatinsky, from Scandal.