Prom season, and girls are in tuxes! Maybe we’re okay with it when it’s a celebrity like Ellen Page — or Tatum O’Neal who first rocked a tux at the Oscars in the 70s (photo below). But when it’s girls who dress like boys the rest of the time too, parents may not be too happy about it. This doesn’t fit their dream for their little girls. Especially when their little girls are lesbians.
You are not the one going out or attending prom, your daughter is. Seems pretty clear it’s her choice.
I have never liked tattoos, and both my sons (over 18) got them without my knowledge. (I think it’s about being easier to ask forgiveness than permission?!?) Now, well, I love their tattoos. (Hey, it’s not my arm being stuck with the same design forever and ever…)
My daughter wanted three piercings in one ear. I thought they were faddish. But it is her ear. Having now seen several moms my age with multiple ear piercings, I no longer care. My youngest daughter wanted to cut her long, beautiful, lovely and feminine hair short—and shaved on one side. Yep, she did it… and it’s beautiful.
My friend wanted to wear a dress that was popular that prom season, but her mother made her wear her older sister’s, which was seven years out of style. And no, it wasn’t a money issue – it was just what Mom wanted. My friend still remembers.
I have made plenty of mistakes as a parent. I’m much better now, especially now that I have given up control of how my children turn out. (See my book, How Not to Lose Your Teen.)
It’s tough because much of the church teaches us to coerce and manipulate, I mean, train and guide our children, so they will be “upstanding and righteous.” It’s easy enough when our children are babies and depend on us for their every need. But these things (piercings, tats…) are a little more than we (thought we) bargained for.
The more Real Life washes in, the harder it is to avoid those sinkholes. We can’t even see them! And sure, they remind us of the sinkholes we dealt with at their age. But that was different! That was us. Not them. (Nevermind that those situations drove us to our all-loving and all-powerful God!)
I was in Turkey with my daughter Annie and she wanted some of those baggie harem pants, and I talked her out of them because they were “unflattering.” (Too much fabric!) I have since regretted not letting her have what she wanted during this once-in-a-lifetime trip. (Yes, I have since apologized for it.) What was my big issue? I mean, really… so what??
We need to encourage our kids to be themselves – not confined by others’ opinions.
This week we talked about going to our child’s gay wedding. I talk a lot about letting them be who they need to be, who they are. If your daughter wants a tux—or your son wants to wear a rainbow—please let them. It’s their prom. It’s their life. If it’s your reputation you’re concerned about, just give that up. That’s a good practice anyway!
They need your love and support. Tell them they look gorgeous… friggin awesome. Take way too many photos. They are so beautiful and handsome – not because of what they wear, but because of who they are.
Man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart.