“I’m a Jesus Freak and I’m also gay and that is just the way God made me.”
The following is an email I received from a teenage girl. Her story is tragic and awful and beautiful and inspirational, and I had to share it with you here…
I’m a friend of your daughter. I actually think you and I met back at one of the theater shows we were in. But I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your blog and also how much my friends that I have sent it to have been enjoying and also gaining from it as well.
My story is a very odd one. After high school I joined an internship called the Honor Academy that’s run by Teen Mania Ministries because I wanted to be straight. I had thought that going there and solely focusing on God and doing things for God would make me who I am ‘supposed’ to be.
I was wrong, obviously.
I spent two years there and my second year I was on what was called the ministry team. Which is the group that goes from city to city putting on this huge youth conferences called Acquire The Fire. You may have heard of it because Phoenix is our 3rd largest event with usually about 3700 kids. But while I was on tour and even my first year I was so depressed because I couldn’t figure out why God wasn’t ‘fixing’ me. And because whenever our speaker got to the part of the session where he spoke against homosexuality I felt sick to my stomach. (I was a camera operator so I sat through all of the sessions).
During my time there I developed feelings for this girl and, long story short, we kissed once during the summer after tour and we felt so condemned by what we had done that we went and told them what had happened. And because I didn’t seem remorseful enough I was asked to leave and my invitation to go back on tour another year was revoked.
Which sucked. To say the least.
And so I left and came back home and was extremely depressed because I didn’t understand why God let that happen to me so I decided what the heck – God obviously does not love me. So therefore I want nothing to do with him so I came out of the closet and just completely turned my back on God and have basically just been running ever since.
Because i had been told that I can’t be gay and be a Jesus Freak.
Until recently when Natalie posted one of your blogs a couple months ago and I started reading your blogs and they have really helped me come to acceptance of who I am. And realize yeah I’m a Jesus Freak and I’m also gay and that is just the way God made me.
And also because of the fact that after I left the Honor Academy and came out in such a huge flaming way I have had other Honor Academy alumni come and talk to me about how they disagree with my ‘lifestyle choice’ and I have been able to direct them to your blog and I’ve seen some hearts changed.
Also on the flip side I have had some alumni who are gay and have contacted me asking how I have been able to ‘deal’ and i also been able to point them to your blog and have seen several of my friends from there come out of the closet and be proud of who they are.
So I wrote all of that to say thank you and that you are making a huge impact especially in my small circle of life.
My sweet friend… You are brave and bold and stronger than you know. Thank you for blessing me and many others. I am so proud of you.