Moms, You’re NOT a Disappointment

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Moms, would you sit with me here for a minute? I posted yesterday about a damaged mother-child relationship. Mother’s Day came and went. You went to brunch with family, got a call from the kids, maybe opened a card or a present. Or not. If you got a card, it is quite likely that reading those words of appreciation brought simultaneous joy and guilt! Seems to be the nature of motherhood.

Please, come sit. I’d like to talk to you as a mom.

Mother’s Day is supposed to make us feel appreciated (and sell cards), but it’s better at making us feel completely inadequate as moms. Been there done that? Now that you’ve cleaned up from your own big day, you sit wondering how many ways you’ve screwed up. I know you. I AM you! 

Worst of all, you probably heard once again about that infernal Proverbs 31 woman and her endless abilities. She pops up every Mother’s Day, like a taunt, reminding us of all that we’ve failed to do, all that we can never do, even though we pour our heart and soul into our family. Let’s forget about her right now. (I’ll talk about her tomorrow.)

Today, I want to tell you that if you are loving your children, you are doing a great job. If you are letting them discover who they are, who God made them, and how God is speaking to them, you are going a great job. If you are not trying to change them, you are doing a superb job.

We’ve been trained to believe our children’s outcome is our responsibility. As if we should (or even could) walk their path for them. As if they’re still two years old. Not the case. We cannot decide for them. And to believe we can profoundly wounds them — and it wounds us.

God did not tell us to change our kids. Training them up in the way they should go means according to their own bent, their own design. You aren’t going to make a writer into a doctor, are you? Those who’ve tried can tell you how deadly it is. I’m not sure how we got to the place that loving them well is not enough.

I am in a large Facebook group of Christian moms committed to whole-heartedly loving their LGBTQ kids. These are moms who have heard it from their pastors, their extend families, sometimes their immediate families. They have had to slog through a lot of judgment and condemnation to arrive at a safe place for their kids. I was moved on Mother’s Day by how fortunate these kids are to have moms who love and affirm them, sacrifice for them, and have their back. They are as blessed to have us as we are to have them!

God calls us to be in our kids’ corner, to fight for them and to stand for them. We’re caught between that and rules-based churches that hold us accountable for our children. Trust God with your kids.

Trust God to make changes you can’t, and trust God to be okay with things in your children that you are sure must be fixed!

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you can simply rest. Simply love. Because God has got this. 

9 thoughts on “Moms, You’re NOT a Disappointment

  1. Pingback: Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day: Master List of Posts – Mombian

  2. Thank you so much for speaking this truth, Susan! As one of those moms of a lesbian daughter, I am so grateful that I had learned that lesson before she “came out”. My job has always been to love my daughters, to encourage them to grow into their strengths and their passions, to teach them about God’s great love for them, and to hold them up to God with an open hand. Have they made decisions that have made my husband and me cringe? Absolutely! But they have also learned from those decisions and grown in confidence and wisdom. Do they bring me joy? Every single day!

  3. Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this today. On mother’s day I was at church with my family and as I sat there and prayed I was overtaken with emotions. I just cried as I felt like such a failure as a mother for my daughter becoming gay. I fight with these emotions all the time. Just when I think I am ready to accept it and move forward something triggers a breakdown and in this case it was mothers day and reflecting the impact I’ve had in my daughter’s life. So thank you again as it is nice to remember that God has control and I can just sit back and enjoy all of my daughter’s wonderful qualities and just love her.

    • Oh so sweet! I hear you, Sister. I too have had times as a mom of wondering what the heck! We are SO EAGER to do well for our children, so willing to take responsibility, or blame, for whatever imperfections — or big stumbles — we think there are. But as my sweet friend said to me, “God knew what he was getting when he accepted me!” So true. He knew what he was getting when he gave us those little babies. And you and I and all the moms we know did the best we could. And God is still here — he has not left the building. Bless you, and I’m glad you read today. ❤

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