Finding the Right Partner – For You


I went to a dance the other night, a contra dance, kind of like square dancing, where you change partners down the line. So one woman had to dance in the “male” role to even the numbers. My male partner and I had danced down the line with about eight people — him with women, me with men — and then I came to the woman in the male role, and I danced my turn with her.

Her hands were so soft, her whole aspect so feminine (because she’s a WOMAN!), and it felt distinctly strange.

I thought, “Yeah, it’s just not for me. I completely understand how some women are drawn to women sexually but yeah, no. Not for me.” It just struck me as interesting – and I thought of many of you.

I thought about how I would feel if I were told, as a straight woman, that I could only choose from women, that men were off-limits. Panic would ensue. I am just not attracted to women like that. I don’t want to be with a woman. I thought of every good thing about my husband that I love — and his being male wraps up the whole package – for me. Not just sex — that’s only one element. But just the fact that he’s a man. He fits me. He balances me. He brings to the equation what I want and need.

For me, to have to choose a woman would mean I am permanently a misfit. An impostor.

For you who are LGBTQ, I got a big insight into how it would be to have to choose a partner in life who goes against your orientation. I get it. Times a million. (After all, mine was for about eight seconds, versus every minute of every day for you.) But it was enough to say I would not want to be there.

For those of you who face with on a daily basis – those who are told to fake it and be with a gender you were not created to be with – those who are condemned and rejected simply because you love someone who is perfect for you… I am so sorry for the pain it brings to your life and your heart.

I will continue to advocate for, and celebrate your right to love who you were created to love.

To find the partner who is perfect for you.


8 thoughts on “Finding the Right Partner – For You

  1. You got it right. I remember the first time I kissed a girl, it was like the whole world finally clicked into focus. Thanks for taking the time to parse your feeling of this strangeness and use it to connect us.

    • You’re more than welcome. A woman recently told me she came out at 41! Geesh. She had dated men, kissed men, and couldn’t understand what the big deal was. She ignored all the signs of crushes on female teachers, etc, people asking if she was gay! Haha. When she FINALLY kissed a woman, it confirmed what had been dawning on her. It was like fireworks. There you go!

      • That is/was me! I had been married twice (to men) and then met the love of my life a year ago. She knew most of her life but, nevertheless, was married for 18 years. I, at 46 finally understood myself and to whom I was to be with naturally! Both of us came together, completely different backgrounds and upbringings, but together we make perfect sense! Today it still baffles me that I never thought of “this” being why my relationships with me were so full of struggle, incompatibility, and lonliness!

  2. Thank you … Contrary to what some folks believe, I have found the perfect GOD CHOSEN partner for me and she is wonderful. My wife and I fit like hand in glove. She makes every good thing better and every bad thing bearable. But what I want to emphasize is, that even though we are lesbians, GOD brought us together … This is a God thing … We are a God thing. Yes, God can and does move in the lives of individuals who are LGBTQ … Every. Single. Day.

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