How to Deal With Christians When You’re Gay


Danielle is gay. She is a Christian. She doesn’t hide either. That means that she is the focus of attack, condemnation and “well-meaning” Christians trying to save her soul. But Danielle does a great job at dealing with those people and answered her friend about how to deal with Christians they don’t agree with. 

Here is Danielle’s message to her friend…

Sometimes gay kids who grew up in the bible belt still carry all the same values just with a confused view on their beliefs. I’m sure he is in a constant mind game trying to always figure out what he really does believe. However, even that takes a toll on a person and sometimes it’s just easier to slowly find your way. God isn’t a God that is constantly “waiting” on us to “come back to him”….God is WITH us even when we don’t know it. God is always with us. I just hope he always knows that too. Nobody has to tell him…we just pray God keeps bringing peace and love into his life. That’s the true side of God on earth….when we find those two things on this side of heaven. Peace and Love.

I don’t exactly know enough about Dan Cathy to say much on him….and the Phil Robertson ordeal…bleh…that whole situation and clip of him preaching one sunday about made me throw up. He may have a heart for God…but he has a twisted view on how he needs to show it. That may sound blunt or mean, but it’s still got some truth to it, because he caused more issue with labeling body parts and their uses than the purpose of marriage in general. Ha. Marriage is NOT sex. Sex is NOT marriage. We know the role it plays…and he’s wrong on how he laid it out for us.

As far as a “christian’s role” in how to go about sharing their beliefs…honest to goodness…the way people are taught in churches these days, more so in the south, is how to “save souls.” IF that is their mission, then however they think they are supposed to lovingly tell someone they believe they are “wrong” and are “going to hell”…we shouldn’t criticize too much. I don’t have a problem with christians because they wanna “save my soul”…i have an issue with how come they don’t try looking at the bible and God differently from the way they were raised. Why don’t they? What are they scared of?

When Jessica and me moved to NY in fall 2010…that was the same year we first got together. I told her I wasn’t gonna just walk out and say “i cant do this” without making SURE God was not ok with it. Because I needed to believe I had freedom to find out. And God gives us so much freedom to SEARCH. it’s great! Well, we read the bible from Genesis to Revelation. And after I read it, my questions weren’t the same questions I used to have. So the answers I was looking for…were unnecessary. I found GOD. I found TRUTH. I found LOVE. and I continued reading authors who thought differently…and kept pushing myself to explore other beliefs…until now I pretty much have my core beliefs…and other beliefs that may come and go but it’s just kind of like tuning up. Point is, I hate to say it, but we have to just let the christians who want to remain in their thinking “we must save them”…to keep doing whatever they are doing. Because until they stop thinking “it’s my job to save them”…then nothing will ever change.

They have to be open. They have to search themselves. They have to finally come to see God for who God is. A God who created us…and knew one day he was gonna save us. And it’s done. And the rest is for us to live our lives by the guidance of our heart-law. What’s good for me in my life may not be good for someone else. If something causes me to stop loving God and stop loving others…then I wake up and look at is as something I need to change. The Holy Spirit is real and once we come to trust that…we try to let the Holy Spirit lead us. And even WHEN we fall short….God’s grace is more than we can ever ask, imagine, or understand.

So I don’t really know what to say to a lot of christians anymore. I rarely can get anywhere with most of them. Because it’s not my place to try to convince them of my belief. I just say, “I believe in God and God’s saving grace.” and if they don’t think it’s “as good” as I think it is…then, we just say, “ok we feel differently.” and I pray we can still be friends anyway.

I don’t know if any of that helps. But that’s pretty much where I stand on things. I rarely talk/debate anymore with people because either they don’t talk to me anymore, or it’s not worth the energy for me. I am a christian…i believe it all. It’s just a hard label for me to wear. It comes with a lot of baggage…sadly. I’ve seen what my friends who have been “judged” by the label think…and I’d rather say I’m just a person who loves God. (and Jesus…but one in the same for me Like I told my mom, hang with people who already think pretty similar to you about God’s love and grace and you won’t have to “battle” so much. And then when the opportunity comes when someone IS searching…let them come to You. God opens so many doors in time.


9 thoughts on “How to Deal With Christians When You’re Gay

  1. I can so relate. Living in the “South.”

    Heart Law is great, and to quote…..”and I’d rather say I’m just a person who loves God. (and Jesus…but one in the same for me Like I told my mom, hang with people who already think pretty similar to you about God’s love and grace and you won’t have to “battle” so much. And then when the opportunity comes when someone IS searching…let them come to You. God opens so many doors in time.”

    Those are some great words, it should not be a battle and so hard to follow Jesus. If it is, I think many are following in the wrong way. It is a lack of understanding of one’s own salvation. 🙂

    We have to follow Jesus and learn what that means, NOT, learn the rules and then see if we can follow. That is why God sent his son, so we can ALL follow.

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. I’m a Christian, and the fact that I am bi does not cause any conflict with that. God made me what I am, so he has to be cool with it. I am not cool with so called Christians who tell me I’m going to hell for being that way.

  3. I am a gay Christian and when I am maligned by fellow, so-called “Christians,” I tell them to please read the REST of the Bible! Start by Google searching ” sins of the bible ” There are over 600 of them, not just one! I have discovered, more often than not, that such anti-gay types know virtually nothing about Scripture and are only calling themselves “Christians” because their sensitive, prideful egos cannot cope with some sin they are repressing, and it may even be homosexual urges of their own! (Google ” bigots are buggers ” ). Standing in condemnation of gays elevates their sense of “righteousness,” which they desperately crave to cover their own dark secrets. “Christ alone is my judge.” Never forget that! When I submit a few choice Bible verses for them to begin a comprehensive Bible study, they clam up and go away. Case closed! “And the person who keeps every law of God, but makes one little slip, is just as guilty as the person who has broken every law there is.” (James 2:10 TLB) “As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one.” (Romans 3:10) “…in fact, all the world stand hushed and guilty before Almighty God.” (Rom. 3:19) “But now God has shown us a different way to heaven—not by ‘being good enough’ and trying to keep his laws, but by a new way (though not new, really, for the Scriptures told about it long ago). Now God says he will accept and acquit us—declare us “not guilty”—if we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we ALL can be saved in this same way, by coming to Christ, no matter who we are or what we have been like. Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; yet now God declares us ‘not guilty’ of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins.” (Romans 3:20-24) “Whether a person has Christ is what matters, and He is equally available to all.” EQUALLY AVAILABLE TO ALL! (Colo. 3:11) What if I maligned fornicators who cause countless unwanted pregnancies, too many of which end in abortions? 
”Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4) What if I maligned divorce? God HATES divorce.(Malachi 2:14-16) Or remarried divorcees? Jesus calls them adulterers! (Mark 10:11,12) Heterosexuals are NOT without their own sins! Any questions?

    • Thank you, Edward. All true. We need to start thinking of this from a different perspective. It’s not about sin or sins. It’s about following Christ in relationship. That’s the point. If we snipe at and judge each other for what we deem others’ sins, how could we be a body? A body could not possibly function that way. Love your passion, Edward.

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